is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I think I just sharted jello shots
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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