I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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