He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
