I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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