I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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