I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
