if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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