You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
3pm strippers are depressing
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
