your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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