the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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