Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
