dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
