I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
