and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Randomize
