i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
