so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
