How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
