i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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