my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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