Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
