Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
