i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
