I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
my liver is dry heaving
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
