I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
