Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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