im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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