Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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