I'm gonna have a badass scar
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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