I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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