At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
