dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
