my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
