She said her name was "party"
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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