Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Randomize
