he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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