he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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