First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
