Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I love having hate sex.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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