we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Farmville is her only friend.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
