Don't make out with my wife yet
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
