My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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