So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
