you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
