I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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