I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
