I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
