idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
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