honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
