I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
