Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
