so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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