You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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