You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
