someone get that fucking seahorse.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
