hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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